I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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