Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
