we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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