I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
