I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize