i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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