I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
