omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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