It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
