I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Randomize
