I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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