I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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