i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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