yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
