the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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