I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
