I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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