I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
is wine microwaveable?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
