i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
