a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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