New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
