We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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