I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
