before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
