Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
