For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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