two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
