So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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