barbara walters just said penis...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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