I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
