cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
