He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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