he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
