moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
