I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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