i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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