I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
its not stalking. its research.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
