Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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