$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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