her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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