Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize