Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
