I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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