i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
