We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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