It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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