i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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