Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
