My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
