Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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