dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
