My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
