apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
