If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize