it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
