theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
