I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
