Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize