Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
