She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
