Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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