I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
