Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
