last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
