did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
