Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize