Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
