yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
