I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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