grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize