Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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