Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
