I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
