Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't deserve a penis
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
