Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
