Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
