Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
