god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
