Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
