i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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