Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
