remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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