Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
