So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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