like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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