These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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