i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
