is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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