Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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