Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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