So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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