you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
