i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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