Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
