Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize