Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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