Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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