I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
