Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I came so hard my ears popped.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
