wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
