I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So vagazzling was a success
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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