It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize