My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
