I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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