So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
