It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
