Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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