I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
