This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
