also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
