If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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